You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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