My room smells like vodka and shame
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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