i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
