How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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