I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
