It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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