It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
