You just made me feel so damn special
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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