dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
