So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
