and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
