is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
i now understand why vodka
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
God, I missed his penis.
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