Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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