Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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