we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
