Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
