I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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