Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
