I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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