i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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