At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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