I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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