Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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