Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i came on her dog
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
