oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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