Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
