is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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