we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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