Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
