I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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