Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
