When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
