I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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