Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
false alarm. still invincible.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
