look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
