she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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