Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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