what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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