You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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