If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
