She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
