Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
