id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
