I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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