Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
