i think my tv is drunk
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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