Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
