Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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