I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
