Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
