i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
