Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
