$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
