i wish my penis had a tongue
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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