She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
