Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
